For a nation to be one of great trainers requires a good economy. For the pilgrims, the nomads, the hermits that are the majority of pokémon trainers, cannot possibly earn a living. Can they? It is therefore necessary for them to live off the dole, or whatever you prefer to call it if you consider it politically incorrect. However, a dole is a great tax on the government – hmm, about time we had one of those! – and that means a tax on us. That is why it is necessary for a great deal of wealth to exist in the nation. This is even more the case because the government covers the salaries of the gym leaders, and they are certainly in no position to take small change. Do you have any idea how much they earn? Man, they’ve got it made! You have to admit, it can’t be cheap for so many people in a country to become pokémon trainers. It was for this reason that Japan, whose residents were in the company of all the pokémon species and had a great love of them and of battles, had to invest much of its money into funding the minimal requirements for trainers to live. They charged all their bills to the Pokémon Trainers’ Fund of Japan. However, there were natural limits. There were limits imposed on how many clothes – and which clothes – they could charge them for per year, for example. Even so, they were allowed unlimited food supplies …

Ash quickly noticed any all-you-can-eat offer that came his way. If there was one thing he could do properly, it was to detect good catering offers. He actively encouraged his friends to make the most of it.

“Come on, Misty, at least TRY to eat more than one dish!”

Ash and Brock both weighed more than a hundred pounds, but Misty was a mere sixty-nine. Misty felt reluctant at first – there was no denying that – but that was because she had been encouraged her whole Cerulean life to suppress her appetite. The spotlights did not like flab, but they did like Gym Leaders. See the link? If yes, good. If no, … ouch! But she could let herself go now, at least that was obvious. Or was it? She was falling in love with Ash, and she had been as yet unsuccessful in getting a reciprocated response from him in any romantic form. How could she get Ash’s attention if she was overweight? She wasn’t yet – she could eat for a while first – and besides, Ash admired big eaters. She struggled with herself, she was in two minds about it, but Fate likes to have a laugh every now and again, so the ballooning mind won. You ask how that gives it a laugh? Some ways are obvious – but we won’t focus on those. Fate can usually predict events – partly because it makes them happen – and if there was fun to be had, it would see what was necessary.

Misty decided to go for another plate for her main course. The extra felt good. REALLY good! Her whole life she had gone hungry in one of the richest nations in the world, and now that had changed. A whole in her stomach was being filled. So was a whole in her life. … She could be seen externally to be relishing in this activity. She went for another plate, and another, and another! She then went for dessert, and that was where she had always been gluttonous anyway. Ice cream was as quickly demolished in her presence as people’s figures at Christmas. On this particular occasion, she was particularly prepared for huge intakes. She ended up eating fifty helpings of ice cream. (She normally had only six or seven.) When they left, her stomach showed obvious signs of swelling, and yet she was not completely saturated. She had simply become bored, having tasted all the desserts in between helpings of ice cream. There were far less than fifty, and eventually she became bored.

Ash soon realised that her talents could be nurtured. They held eating contests from that day forward for every meal and snack. They tied for a month. Then Misty overtook. Time passed by, and Ash’s ectomorphism prevented him from developing additional corpulence, but Misty used very few calories, and was lazy anyway, often sitting on her butt, which was growing rapidly. In any case Ash only loved food for his great appetite, which left him hungry until several dishes had passed his lips. However, she came to adore food, and spent lots of time engaged in this. She continued to compete against Ash, who never seemed to improve, just so they could see how she was doing. After a short year, she was able to beat Ash ten-fold, ate several kilogrammes of food per day, and weighed in at a colossal five hundred and ninety one pounds. This was a wonderful achievement for her, equating to ten pounds a week. As she got heavier it took more energy to move her, but her energy intake increased to compensate, and so the weight gain was steady.

Doesn’t this prove how wonderful the Fund was?

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

Nope! There are a number of people in the Government who would disagree with yes, and I happened to interview one at random: “Nope!” is what I got. Okay, so this survey was biased: but the political system was corrupted. The Johto Minister Duke of Blackthorn, the Kanto Minister Earl of Viridian, the Orange Minister Knight of Pummelo, the Houen Minister (no one knows anything about them), and the current Prime Minister – stationed in Johto, but recently having arrived from Kanto – arrived in the Supreme Chamber of Diplomacy, together with Emperor Akihito of Japan. They wee here to discuss some pressing issues. The Emperor, symbolic head of the Diet (the Parliament), entered in a magnificent way. But it did too much justice to him, now that Emperors no longer had divine rights in Japan, thanks to American occupation for seven years after World War II. Or was it not enough? No one was sure now in these bleak times. He was the hero the people in this clouded era. The Monsters (I meant Ministers, or did I?), five personifications of all that was wrong in the political world, sat around the table, a terrifying group to greet Akihito.

“It’s all right, Emperor, we do not require your assistance for this,” said the Earl.

“Are you sure?”

“Oh, we’re VERY sure!” replied the Duke.

“Are you going to leave, Sir?” asked the man from Houen.

Akihito knew from experience what that meant. He didn’t want a fight. He was the constitutional monarch, and nothing more. In reality, these men ran everything, and they didn’t want him involved. That meant they were keeping secrets from him. But what was the use? He had no true power over him, at least not as far as he was aware. This time, his reign, had become known as the Era of Peace simply because of his pacifistic nature. That was what led to all of the developments. But the peace did not exist here in the Supreme Chamber of Diplomacy. This place was really one of dictatorship, with no monarch included. It was a Republic.

After he left, the Ministers all turned round to face the Prime Minister.

“Well, well, well,” said the Deputy Prime Minister of Houen, “we have much to discuss Prime Minister Hagasaki. Or should I say – Giovanni?”

The Prime Minister froze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about …” But it was pointless.

“Your lies are futile!” declared the Knight. “We were dealing with a serious criminal some years ago, the nation’s number one enemy, the illustrious head of Team Rocket. His name was Giovanni. He disappeared al of a sudden when the police thought they were getting closer to a lead. Our evidence suggests he was in Johto, and Team Rocket recently searched for him there. If those we interviewed under hot lights were anything to go by, he had interests in expanding into the political system. WE checked you up in our data banks. You exist, but for some reason Giovanni no longer does. However, you had the same immutable file numbers. You see, we know all the tricks of the trade! We work in it.”

The Prime Minister slacked back in his chair. He felt more at ease. HE was with his own kind. He let out a cruel guffaw.

“So you do have some wit. I was starting to worry I’d fallen in with the wrong type. But be warned: I have a goliath army, fully armed, at my disposal if you talk about this.”

“Relax! WE don’t do that here. We’re loyal to one another, but we lie to everyone else,” said the man from Houen.

“Even the Emperor?”

“He’s the same as everyone else!” they declared in unison.

Another smile broke across Giovanni’s face. “All right you lot! Talk is cheap. What do you tell me about your awareness of my identity for? You must have something criminal in mind.”

“You got it. You’re a real pro!” said the Knight. “Here’s the basics: the Pokémon Trainers’ Fund of Japan has reported someone is really draining us with their food bills. It is of course infinitesimal to a Government, but it might encourage others to do it if word of this gets out. That would be prevented with a little assassination!”

“I presume THAT doesn’t get in the news – not with this type of Government!” laughed Giovanni. Laughter exploded, and spread in a highly contagious fashion, throughout the whole of the party assembled here. Then business resumed.

“So who would you like assassinated?” enquired Giovanni. “Keep in min I’m a busy man.”

“Well,” began the Duke of Blackthorn, “there are three individuals who all originate from Kanto but are currently in Johto – very much like yourself! They have a joint account with us, under the name of Ash Ketchum – ”

At that point Giovanni banged hard on the table.

“I’ll need some information on this Ketchum,” he said, some sweat beginning to pour from his brow. “I’ll need his place of birth and his mother’s full maiden name.”

“But why?”

“Just do it!”

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

There once was a quite little town near the outskirts of Viridian City, known as Pallet Town. Although Viridian was an industrial and political capital, at the heart of the Kanto region, the town of Pallet – which was at close proximity – was more a village than a town. The distinction between the two is based on markets. There were some shops in Pallet, but not very many. Most people who, lived there went to Viridian City for all their shopping needs. A few who didn’t like the bright lights of the big city went further afoot to Pewter City. Whichever they chose, there was a tough trek to be had. Pallet was at the base of some rocky hills – or were they mountains? No one knew which, just like no one knew if Pallet really should be called a town or whether a village would be closer the mark. So little was known about Pallet, even by the residents.

What was known about this place was that, village or town, be it separated from the capital by hills or mountains, it had a very famous inhabitant. The renowned Professor Samuel Oak lived here. He was Pallet’s pokémon keeper, which meant that trainers in the town could store their pokémon with him. His grandson Gary had quite a collection, over two hundred pokémon in all. As for Ash, the son of a friend of his … Well, he had less than forty, and thirty of these were Tauros from the Safari Zone. There were not many others. There was Kingler, Snorlax, Heracross, and Muk That was about it really!

Speaking of his friend, Delia, she was not at all known in the world, certainly not a star or celebrity. She lived by herself – save for a very helpful Mr Mime who kept house together with her – although once it had been very different. Several years ago, her son Ash had turned ten, and with a pokémon from Professor Oak had begun his pokémon journey. It was a day for which preparations had been made for a long time before – weeks, months, maybe years! But after it passed, Delia seldom saw her son. She frequently visited Oak, or vice versa, and she had gotten to know his assistant Tracey. Even so, she felt quite lonely at times. She couldn’t help but remember the husband she had once had. He left her suddenly, having already impregnated her. She always seemed to smile, but Samuel could see through that happy face she put on. He felt her misery. He knew she was trying to be brave. He gave her both admiration in sympathy, though never openly. He was himself quite lonely. He had pokémon, true, but humans often do not make good hermits. Trainers manage it, but researchers are not always so good at living alone. Tracey had been good company in recent years, but he craved the company of an adult. He was a very old man now. Delia and he should have been together. That would have been the perfect solution. But it was not meant to be. Delia loved her garden, and Samuel loved his work – not only that, no one else in Pallet could replace him, and all the trainers from Pallet relied upon someone to do that job. The two could not coincide. Still though, la vie et une chiene, puis tu mors.

One day, Delia happened to here a knock at the door.

“Who could that be?“ she wondered. She went over to the door, and pulled it open. A tall, darkly dressed man stood there, carrying a very sinister _expression on his face. He stepped forward, putting out one foot in front of the other. He gave off an eerie feel. Things in the hall seemed to quake and tremble in fear.

“Are you Delia Ketchum?” asked the man, in a highly deep voice. (Can you say that?)

“Yes,” she replied. “How may I –” But he gave no time for her to offer her assistance.

“I’m the Minister of Diplomacy from Houen.”

Now, Delia didn’t know very much about Houen. What she did know was that it had only recently joined the United Forces of the Indigo Plateau. What was a VIP (very important politician) doing here?

“I’m here on official business with the Prime Minister.”

“Prime Minister Hagasaki?”

“That’s a pseudonym,” the man cackled. “You’ll know him by a slightly different name: Giovanni Ketchum!” At that point he stepped to the left, revealing a man in an orange blazer – the husband who had abandoned her all those years ago.

“Well!” exclaimed Giovanni. “How delightful to see you again!” The man from Houen held a gun to her head, and prepared the barrels. “You ain’t telling no one about this!” he announced. “We need a bit of information concerning someone you probably know all too well…”

“What do you want?” she screamed. Giovanni advanced on her. Her heartbeat became irregular. It was accelerating, then heartbeats were skipping like the mad march hare. Next it slowed down, nearly to a standstill.

“Listen, Delia,” he said, putting his arms around her. “I don’t want you to get hurt. I just need to know whether you had a son or daughter, and what you named the child.” Delia was perplexed to say the least.

“You need a gun to ask me that?”

“That’s just so you don’t talk!” explained the man from Houen.

“Talk about what?”

“The use we’re giving that information. Our Government has planned to take care of one of its most disturbing clients; an example needs to be made. If everyone took as much money from us as they wanted, why we’d have to raise the taxes! The nation would never elect us again.”

“Who’s doing this?” she asked.

“Delia, just tell me what our child’s name is.”

“His name is Ash! Ash Ketchum!” Giovanni let go of her. A smug smile broke out across his face like a fracture on the surface of the Earth whenever Japan has an earthquake.

“That information has been highly useful.”

“All right, Giovanni, let’s think about whether or not to MAKE her stay quiet.” Giovanni knew what that meant. It meant death.

“Look, she can keep her mouth shut.”

“Sure she can – when there’s no one to blab to …”

“What do you mean?”

“I know you won’t want your ex being – disposed of, so to speak. However, I think you could tolerate her imprisonment.”

“But that’s not necessary - ”

“Look, Giovanni, you’re new to the politics game. We’ve all had a lot of practice. We know what is and isn’t necessary.”

“I’m the boss!”

“Hahaha! Officially, yes, but in reality we know better. Remember the Emperor? He’s just the same as everyone else. That goes for you too. It goes for everyone.”

Giovanni gulped. He was right. He WAS new to this game. Maybe he would have to do this; maybe he couldn’t trust his wife. He hadn’t seen her in over a decade. He remembered she used to be able to cover for him, to keep secrets, when he was busy building his criminal Empire, Team Rocket. But for all he knew, she could have changed. Was she there for him when the cops came? He gave her the option of running with him. But she wouldn’t run. It was lucky she didn’t get any porridge. However, the Ministers would unofficially have her behind bars from now on. They were kidnappers. The world had changed a lot in his life. Maybe it was what he had done that had got him into this mess, got the whole world into this mess. He couldn’t help but feel like everything was all his fault.

He wept inside when they took her away. To think that a Minister would always be watching her, any time of the day, was just awful. Suppose that, when that someone was someone other than him, that that someone did something? He just couldn’t bare the thought. But he would have to. The motto of the Government, which the Press had never heard of, applied to him, to her, even to the Emperor. They knew one important fact. What they knew was that they were all the same. They were all just the same as everyone else.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

“Several years ago I was created by a team of scientists who wanted to clone the pokémon Mew. They wanted to create the most powerful pokémon who has ever lived. The truth was that they wee working for a man whose name still burns strong within me, a curse on my memory. Now not even he remembers my existence. All have forgotten I ever even existed, except for a few humans who helped me thwart Giovanni, get myself together and save the many clones for whom I am a friend and a leader. There was a time when I did not use my powers to the best of my ability. It was like a wild fire, destroying everything in its path. Giovanni showed me a way to concentrate my power, so that it was controllable and also more effective. But he also taught me the wrong way to use my powers responsibly. Those friends I have already mentioned were the ones who reversed that side effect. Now I am free from his control, and I always will be, for he is not even aware that I exist. However, I have remembered, and it has scarred me. That scar will last for all of my immortal life. Only by helping other legendary pokémon, who were not created by science but still need to learn both the most effective and the most ethical uses if their powers, to achieve what I almost did not. That is my story, friends, and that is why you are all here. As yet, my clones have been unable to find a safe haven from the world. We thought we had it when we lived in Purity Canyon, but Giovanni found us anyway. Your powers can help us, and so with my education we can form a symbiosis. For instance, you Unown, you can create a place for us to live; but not until we teach you how to avoid the mistake you have made before of overloading your own spells. You eventually became unable to control the psychic energy you had generated. That must not happen in any world you create for us. I will have cured you of a great fault, and you will have saved my clones and I. As for you, Entei, your chance to live in the real world I can guarantee. You cannot do that without a real body, and I have the power to manufacture that. The Unown cannot grant any wishes outside of their own fantasies, but I can, and I will give you that freedom. But you will not get it unless I believe that I can trust you to use your power responsibly. Furthermore it’s a tough world at there, and you must not allow your power to be a wild fire. You must be a danger to no one, and certainly not to yourself. I also need you to help us from time to time. We will never be completely safe in the world of the Unown unless one of their creations is here to assist us. You and Suicune can agree to some sort of compromise. That requires some of your help, Celebi. Your time travel auld be very useful for my clones, as they want to learn more about the past, not only that which belongs to them, but that which belongs to all pokémon. Lugia, although you are a very powerful being, you have your limits. I am willing to help you get over those, but only if you will agree to the same terms as I demand of Entei. I will require only a small amount of help from each of you, but you must share the responsibilities. Leadership is not easy for me, or for anyone who wishes to lead to give help. Those who are corrupted by the thought of power and who abuse it when they are given it think it is easy, but even they have a great challenge. Darkness will swallow them before they know what is coming up. I must teach you all not only how to get the best results from your omnipotence, but also to minimise the danger that much power represents to yourselves and to all others concerned. Finally, I need to teach you what is right and what is wrong. No pokémon wants to be evil. There is an ancient prophecy: the first evil pokémon shall be the end to all pokémon, and to all good. That suggests to me a great deal of power in one pokémon, and I cannot risk any of you legendary pokémon being it. That even goes for you legendary birds and dogs. That means you as well, Raikou! And if any of you ever see Mew, you must pass on the lessons I give you.

One of those lessons is that knowledge is the true power, and it is tat power that I wish to give you. If you do not believe me, observe that the knowledge of science becomes the power of technology. Furthermore, observe that the ignorant are ruled by the all-knowing in politics. The entire world revolves around knowledge: that is the greatest power you can ever have. Those who think omnipotence is power are wrong: I know that when I thought that, I was wrong. Truly, power is omniscience. It is not omnipresence, nor eternity; only omniscience can ever be true power. Remember that the apocalypse almost came through me. If my research is correct, I and Lugia, and even Entei, had the same saviours. But I can teach you nothing more today, for I have just sensed that those saviours are in great danger. I will return one day, and when I do you will all hear my voice call across space and time to you, just as I hear their voices calling from somewhere in the Western future. Farewell. Thee lessons will resume some other time. But until then, please take care of my clones. They need someone to love them and to acre for them. Without that, they are lost. You will not see me again until you see me. That is all you can know now, and that is why you are weak.”

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

Ash took Misty on a date one evening. It was a gourmet night at a local restaurant whose manager made one think of Fawlty Towers and nothing else. But of course, fools are an exception to that, for they think of things that are less subtle; and fools always fall in love. Neither Ash nor Misty were prepared to be annoyed by any Basil-like manager this evening. Fortunately, they wouldn’t annoy him, so that would be all right. He’ll let you get by if you let him get by; but upset him and the feeling is mutual. Such reciprocation reminds some of karma, but reminds everyone who is slightly saner of nothing of the sort. All that is certain in religion is that the Pope wears a funny hat. Not that there’s anything wrong with that … well, when you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

Anyway, speaking of holes, there would be a few craters if the chair-breaker sat down tonight. That was why people had to pay Ash not to let her sit down – the manager in particular. That much damage could cost the price of several Proteins to repair. Believe me, you can’t get more expensive than that!

“Misty, just dance. If I get this money, I could buy a whole protein. Think of what else we can do with that much money. The dole’s too basic. Get this kind of treatment at every night of this sort and we’ll be living the high life!”

“Ash, I’m tired and I can’t stay on my feet much longer. I HAVE to sit down.”

“But Misty, if you sit down in here you’ll do what you ALWAYS do when you sit down.”

“Make a hole?”

“Precisely! We won’t get paid if you do that.”

“But I feel faint …”

“Then eat something and get some energy.” Misty was not going to reject this suggestion. In all the highest probability, the chance of Misty passing off food you offer her, no matter how much she has already had, is about as much as meeting one of those creatures you always here about that are ten feet tall, fifty feet long, are purple, have sixty legs and possess snarling fangs. I’m not sure what you call them, but as far as the age-old joke goes, you have to run when you see one. The point is that Misty ate a whole pan of lasagne. Someone once described such a pan, dripping with melted cheese, and to use his words it was “an Italian calorie bomb scientifically designed to hit the thighs hard”. That is nowhere near what Misty guzzled down. For one thing it wasn’t just any pan full. Oh no! This pan was as deep as the voice of James Earl Jones, as long as the shots in Las Vegas, and as wide as widescreen. If this was a calorie bomb, it was nuclear. This one didn’t just hit the thighs hard: it hit every fat store on the body (and in the body, too) with the force of a collapsing Everest; and any site not already under adipose control would be as devastated – and devastated as suddenly – as Chernobyl on one unusual day in the eighties. (Was it the eighties?) After that little snack Misty felt revived, then as energy-efficient as possible with her anything-but-streamline body she met Ash again for the forty-third dance of the evening. I’m telling you, she did pretty well. She only needed a side-splitting gorge once every six dances. That had been the seventh.

NB: When I say side-splitting, I’m talking by the standards of a village in emaciated Ethiopia. Even that couldn’t rival her. You couldn’t out-eat Misty of you had a population the size of Solihull. Okay, minor exaggeration. She wouldn’t be fast enough; however, no one truly knows whether she has her limits. Apparently, bears in the months prior to hibernation do not. Well, just call her the greediest bear in the world – she was like that all year round!

For every minute she was with Ash, she gazed in to his big bark eyes, whilst he stared in to her big eyes, which were as colourful and changing as the sea. They also had the same hues, but as I have said they never stayed one colour. The wavelengths her eyes reflected were ever changing. Ash hugged her, though around her chest, since it was the only part he could eve dream of getting his arms all the way around her. The head is an important but delicate exception, and he did not want to smother her. She wrapped her arms around his fat-free waist. Her eyes troubled him, for his were the same shade, and at that a dull, dark brown, and perhaps he wasn’t handsome enough to meet her needs; his waist troubled her, for she felt maybe she had let herself go too much. She hoped not. He hoped not. They both hoped not. And it was too hope that they kissed on the last dance of the evening.

It was at the end of the evening that they re-met Brock, who had had what he thought was a charming five-second conversation with every girl he had found on the block – and all ten blocks in every direction of the compass as well. There was DEFINITELY no one for him in this city. Yes, it is a shame. Now he’s going to pester girls in the whole county next.

Giovanni had hired a team of researchers and discovered that only Misty was the cause of all the trouble, so she was the only one whose blood he yearned for. Actually he didn’t really, but he had to pretend to: he didn’t want to harm any girlfriend of his only son. Mewtwo sensed danger for Misty. A huge cat seemed to quickly descend ion Ash and his friends. It finally came into view, with a humanoid shape to it s body but a thick, heavy tail. This was a giant of a humanoid. At 6’7” and 269 lbs (true stats, so he was overweight by human standards), this was no one to mess with; certainly not with his powers. The creature stared in a terrifying manner at the three children.

“Friends, you saved me twice before: now I am helping you. You are in very grave danger. You must split up. The girl among you is the target, but those who surround her will have their lives on the line. I suggest you all split up. I have great power, so I shall defend her. But you two others must separate. That halves the chance of you both being caught and pumped for information. No time for explanations: we MUST go now!”

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

Brock’s story is perhaps the one that went the most boring fastest. He had no love in his life over whom he could pine in their absence; he had no one who he could miss. That was itself sufficient reason to depress him. But that was not a major part of the story. When Mewtwo wanted them to run, he felt too miserable, especially given the deflated ego he had after this evening, to do ore than walk. The troops had their orders from the PM: kidnap first, ask later whether or not to assassinate the individual. Certainly, they could not let them go: you can allow no one to blab top the papers. How would you ever get elected again if people knew you were killing members of your electorate, that the Government was really of the totalitarian sought Orwell had warned us about in his last and most sinister novel? That most troubled the Knight. Power to him was new, and he certainly did not want to lose it so quickly. But none of those who had been in power longer than that would go down without a fight, either. Brock’s fate was sailed. He would die in their company, apparently, one way or another.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

Ash’s story is not that grand either. A few days later he was passing by a shop, where music played. At that moment he could hear LeAnn Rimes’s song “How do I live without you”. He had never heard it before, but it was undoubtedly the saddest song he had ever heard in his life. You might know it:

How do I get through a night without you? If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?

I need you in my arms need you to hold; you’re my world my heart my soul! If you ever leave –

Well baby you would take away everything good in my life; and tell me now:

How do I live without you? I want to know

How do I breath without you if you ever go?

How do I ever, ever survive? How do I, How do I,

How do I dream?

Without you there’d be no sun in my sky, there’d be no love in my eyes, there’d be no world left for me

And I – well baby, I don’t know what I would do. I’d be lost if I lost you – if you ever leave

Well baby you would take away everything I need in my life; and tell me now:

How do I live without you? I want to know

How do I breath without you if you ever go?

How do I ever, ever survive? How do I, How do I,

How do I dream?

That’s all I can remember anyway. There was another song he heard that night: “Goodbye’s the saddest word I ever hear, goodbye’s the last time that I’ll hold you near”. That’s an excerpt. He heard a lot of dreary songs like that that evening. He knew now on what he would spend that half of the money he kept after giving some to Brock. (Mewtwo said he was taking Misty somewhere where money had no meaning, but where she could still eat a lot.) But CDs! I ask you! Anyway, song after song like that came into his mind. He started to go quietly out of his mind. If he was ever sane before, he wasn’t now. Love had taken away all his sanity from him; love is the most painful of human things.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

Mewtwo took Misty to the same place where his cloned friends lived in peace, and soon the legendary students returned to listen to him. Mewtwo introduced her to them.

“Friends, both cloned and original, I have hear today one of those good, kind humans who once helped me before. This is the girl. Her name is Misty. She will be staying here for a while, so I want you to embrace her company and make sure she feels welcome. Remember my lessons so far: for instance, do on to others as you would be done by, but do not assume that the behaviour of others is correlating to that motto. Do not retaliate or seek vengeance. In any case, Misty does not have any intentions of harming any of you, be it physically or spiritually. You must reciprocate that feeling. She is staying here because she is in danger in her own world, from evil ones who wish to hurt her, both physically and spiritually, and you know you should not defeat the purpose of the hard work I or anyone else puts forward. She is lonely at the moment because her friends are not with her. You must make her feel at home. Be sympathetic, be compensatory; you all know the feeling of being alone. You know it is not good. You legendary pokémon spend your lives like that. You clones know the feeling too. We have all sought a good home where we can perfect our society. We all know what it feels like to have no friends. Don’t punish her by making her share in pain you have had before. I have taught you better; don’t defeat the purpose of that hard work of mine.”

“Meowth, Meowth, Meowth!” asked the cloned Meowth.

“She is staying here because I can protect her, but her friends are not because the people who are after her may take out their anger on any company she has. I do not want them to go through that. You must help her spend this time without them and yet get through it without feeling lonely. She comes from a society where those who are different, like ourselves, are made to suffer. She is different in the adiposal structure of her physiology.” (To those of you who don’t get that, it’s a polite way of explaining she is obese.) “Imagine yourselves in her position. You know the feeling of being different all too well. If you put her through that, then you are no better than those who did the same to you, and you do not deserve to be sheltered from that here. Please, don’t ruin the perfection of the society we have all worked so hard to build here! I say that to all of you. I say that to her, and I say that to myself, and I say it to the legendary pokémon, who are all originals but are unique members of their species, and I say it to the clones. Remember, as far as those in the other world see it, everyone here is an outcast. But here, that word has no meaning. Don’t change that!”

Misty quickly settled in, because everyone was affected by Mewtwo’s speech. Everyone helped her. The pokémon helped her learn to collect food for herself. She soon found that she was able to feed herself as well as at home. But it was better in a way, because now she truly did get it herself, rather than rely upon the supermarkets and the restaurants. She was enjoying the agriculture. She was eating far more than usual for her. She was living a sheltered existence where society could not limit her meals. If she could get it for herself she could eat it. She even started helping some of the other, smaller pokémon get food. She could reach higher than some. She enjoyed that, and she enjoyed eating in a way she never had before – and that IS saying something! Now she had a satisfaction with her own work. She ate more and more and more, and grew and grew. Mewtwo knew that her clothes would not last, but berries contain useful pigments, a philosopher like Mewtwo will be a natural artist, and Mewtwo’s control over matter allowed him to transform the molecular structure of debris and produce organic compounds, and manufacture clothes for her. He had found a purpose to his life at long last. He would help others.

But the truth was that, as nice as the company was, there was something still missing. Misty was not loved. She still felt as lonely as if they had all ostracised her. Some people in that position would have pined away. However, she just comfort ate. She really enjoyed eating now, and this was her escape from loneliness. The pokémon all excused her growth, which her disconsolacy accelerated, and she had no other way of getting through time from love.

If only she knew that someone who she saw every day did love her. Mewtwo had always been a leader and a friend to his clones, ever since he had created them and been their helpful God on High. In all this, he had never thought of himself. He had never been in love before. But thee was something about her. As far as Mewtwo knew, were he with gender he was male. I have called him “he” here many times for that reason. She was a female, and at that one who had a human intellect, so she would be good company for Mewtwo. “He” did spend a lot of time with her, but Mewtwo could never confess love for her. She was of another species. She already had a love of her life. This life with her was only temporary.

And what is his history?

A blank, my friends. He never told his love,

But let concealment, like a worm in the bud,

Feed on his platinum cheek. He pined in thought,

And with a dark and pale melancholy

He sat like Ugliness next to Beauty,

Smiling in grief. Was not that love indeed?

Lovers may say more, swear more, but indeed

Their shows are more than will: for still they prove

Much in their vows, but little in their love.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

Every day, Mewtwo liked to go into the mountains for an hour and meditate all the while, thinking about issues that were in his mind at the time. He had a miserable life, and it was his way of unwinding. In these times, in which he had fallen in love, romance was the topic upon which he spent an hour of every day thinking hard. He had to find a way to let it go. She could not love him. How could she? Humans had something against loving more than one individual, and they certainly would not love anyone who came from another species. But perhaps confession was the only way that he could recover. Once, long ago, he had spent some time (in a very good disguise) learning to read in the library. He was a wonderfully intelligent person and soon picked up all the alphabets his heart could desire, including that used in the Romance and Germanic languages (e.g. English, Dutch and Portuguese). He read some classics to pass the time. He had a very good reading speed; he read the whole of Twelfth Night, and understood every word of it as well as the people of Shakespeare’s home and day, and he did so in less than an hour. He realised he could not trust the happy ending that eventually greeted Viola to come to him. For him, a happy ending was artificial. What did he know of happy endings? He had to confess his love, but he did not know how.

On one day, he happened to discover that someone else needed rescuing. He thought hard, trying to expand his knowledge. He saw something to do with that boy’s mother. He saw a place. He recognised it from the days of old. It was the place where he had once been Giovanni’s slave. There she was. There was a name she seemed to be calling. Ash … Ash … Yes, that was it! That was the boy’s name. That other one, Brock – he was there too! He tried to find her name, but he could not. However, he knew something more important; he knew what to do.

He descended down from the mountains early. Everyone knew he was usually regular. They measured their days according to his work. But they also recognised the positions of the sun at the times when he did things. It was clear that this was not his usual routine. And when a character like Mewtwo deviates from regularity, you know something big is about to happen. Had he seen danger? No one knew what to do if that happened. Would he defend them from the sky, or tell them of the danger and then set forth? All they knew was that this was the sort of thing that would make anyone who knew him really well feel anxious. They all saw him everyday. They were all very worried. So was Mewtwo – he was worried for the safety of a human. When he eventually reached Misty, he had a look on his face indicative of an uncertainty. It seemed to have a hint of queasiness, but a dash of admiration too. HE approached her, smiling as best he could when he felt that mother’s pain.

“Misty, I usually don’t come down from the mountains this early. But there is something I need to tell you. My evil creator has kidnapped Ash’s mother and we must save her. I think it is time to unite with your friends again. But I feel somehow that Brock has met a similar fate. ”

Misty looked at him. She was worried.

“There is something else that I must tell you before we go, though, Misty. There is something I have been holding back from you, hiding from you, ever since you came here. I know it isn’t meant to be, but I feel so upset I can’t control it any longer. I love you, Misty. Never before have I thought this, but I wish I could be part of your world. I know your heart already belongs to someone else. I know I’m not human. I know you won’t stay here forever. I always knew that. I know I shouldn’t love you, but I do. I know I shouldn’t say these things to you, but I have to.” Tears welled up in his eyes; those big, long-suffering eyes that never ceased to suffer from the strongest of all emotions. They may not have been used to love, but they were used to anger, and they were used to melancholy, and they were also used to shame. “I’m sorry. I truly am sorry. But I cannot help myself. I’ve never been in love before, NEVER. If you cannot love me – and certainly you never could – then at least help me to get over you. Tell me what makes a man want to give you all his heart, smile when you’re around and cry when you’re apart. If you know what makes a man want to love you the way I do, you’ve got to let me know so I can get over you.” Misty hadn’t known how to react so far, but right now she did. She giggled. Mewtwo was horrified at this response. “What’s funny?” he cried (and I mean that in both senses of the word).

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just it’s amusing the way you accidentally reproduced the exact words to the chorus of one of my favourite songs.”

Mewtwo felt relieved at this explanation. He trusted her. He was sure she was telling the truth.

“But what is your reaction to everything else I have said?” he asked, drying his tears.

“I think it’s sweet!” she said.

“Sweet?” Mewtwo was perplexed. “Sweet! Don’t you feel angry with me for keeping the truth away? Don’t you feel shocked that I love someone whose heart already belongs to someone else? Don’t you hate the way I gave out my heart to a member of another species? Don’t you feel all those things?” He started to cry again.

“Don’t cry, Mewtwo,” she said soothingly. “You don’t have any member of your own species. That’s a real tragedy. I think you ought to get to experience love. It’s a wonderful thing. I like you. I like you a lot.”

“But you do not love me!” he replied, tears streaming down his face.

“I would if I didn’t love someone else.”

“I suppose love is a first come, first served basis is it?” Misty could barely control herself – how amusing that little question was! He really was very sweet.

“No, it –”

“So I am inferior to Ash. I wish I understood love better.”

“No, you’re not inferior?”

“So why don’t you love me?” For the first time in his life, Mewtwo deposited tears on the ground. If only tears could heal him the way they had healed Ash all that time ago. He still remembered the day Ash educated him so well. But now he felt ignorant again.

“No! It’s just … well … I don’t know!”

Mewtwo didn’t like that.

“Love! Huh! The invention of the humans, and they don’t even understand it. Thanks a lot.” Mewtwo collapsed on his knees. He had lost all of his inner strength. At least while he was secret he had some pressure inside him to hold himself upright. He had never felt so sad before in all his painful life. He had felt this angry. He had felt this hurt. He had felt this vengeful. But he had not felt this sad. Nor had he felt this weak. HE didn’t feel like he was legendary anymore. Was he truly a God in pokémon’s clothing? That was what some of the clones called him. He had all the attributes of God: the power, the wisdom, the goodness of heart, and the ability to help. But he wasn’t so sure any more. He didn’t know what was right or wrong anymore. Was he right? Was she right? He didn’t have any wisdom. He knew he had always been doomed to find kindness difficult, for did he not work for evil? Did he even have his power anymore? He could not even rise up on his own two feet. So much for the greatest pokémon in the world!

“Mewtwo, we have to save Delia!”

“Who’s Delia?”

“She’s Ash’s mother.”

“And we must save Brock too. But how can we. I don’t have any skills that could help us, and neither do you.”

“What are you talking about? You have ever so much power.”

“No more. I did once. But now I have no omnipotence. I am not even invulnerable any more. I am a mere mortal. I am useless.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I used to be all-powerful and eternal of life, Misty. But my heart has given up. My life force is gone. I am not like that any more. I am mortal. I can die. I can suffer pain. That is a new thing for me. I can suffer both physical and spiritual pain. I’ve had a lot of the latter in my time. Now I am truly alive; for I am doomed to death. And I will die here. I am of no use to you any more.” Misty was horrified. Had she done this?

“Look – if it’s about what I said, I –”

“It’s not just that. I should never have let myself fall I love with a person. Humans and pokémon cannot be in love with one another. I should never even love at all: love is for humans only. Pokémon are mere animals. We are not humans. To us, love is a forbidden fruit; and I am poisoned by it. I am sorry, but there is nothing more to say. I have destroyed myself. This is my end. I hope that, if I have an afterlife, it is a happy one.”

“Do you want me to get help?”

“I am beyond help now. I will die here. Please Misty, stay by my side. Don’t leave me. I am dying for you. My life is given up for your sake. I cannot offer anything else to you. At least see the gift be given.”

Misty was unable to cope with this. She couldn’t let him die for her.

“There’s no need for you to die on my behalf, Mewtwo. Please don’t. I love you.”

Mewtwo couldn’t believe this.

“But what about monogamy?”

“I love you like a brother. How do you live me?”

“Like a wife. But I know that is impossible. I have gone beyond myself. I can not stay.”

“Please! I love you!”

“But only like a brother.”

“I wouldn’t want my sisters to die, Mewtwo. You must see reason.”

“Reason? This is not suicide, Misty. I am dying because something in me that is vital for my survival is no longer functioning properly. I do not want to die. But I do not control these things.”

“Isn’t there any way to save you?”

“Perhaps the legendary pokémon could help … Could you get them in ten minutes? I feel like that is all I have.” Misty knew she could not. She was far too heavy to run. It was hopeless. But she couldn’t tell him that.

“Yeah … I’ll be back soon.”

Now if you’ve ever heard of a farce, you know that it usually involves something completely ridiculous. Nah, really? Isn’t that amazing! Anyway, the point is that there seemed to be a good deal of luck on her side. I think Fate had better plans than the death of Mewtwo. It just so happened that all the legendary pokémon were quite nearby. She managed to waddle those few feet in the bushes in about four minutes. She had thought that they would be in the place where they usually received their education. That’s pretty silly. You don’t look for your friends at school, do you? Well, not when school is out anyway. And that was the case here. School was definitely out and they were relaxing in the sunshine. Lugia kept one eye on the lake at all times; he loved the water. So did the highly buoyant Misty. Entei enjoyed the warmth. The Unown were half-asleep, although being the Unown they never were completely asleep. The legendary Raikou enjoyed the warmth too, but Suicune wished it were windier. Unfortunately it never was windy in this sheltered place. He stayed with his friends (was Suicune a he?), so Suicune was there too. Celebi was blowing gently on Suicune’s neck to calm him (again a gender assumption (sorry)).

“Hey guys! Come quickly! Mewtwo needs your help!”

“Come quickly?” said Lugia. “He’s only a few feet away.”

“It took me a few minutes to get here!” (Lugia didn’t make a comment on that.) To speed things up, Lugia carried Misty those few feet. Don’t worry, it didn’t hurt. Legendary pokémon don’t suffer pain so easily. All the legendary pokémon crowded around Mewtwo.

“I need a legendary blessing from each of you if I am to regain my powers and survive.” I’m not going to give a scientific explanation of how that works, but when he recovered, he took Misty as quickly as he could to find Ash, so they could both find Delia. His joy was restored, if it had ever been there before.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

Ash had recently changed his song preferences. At the moment he was listening to Fairytale Of New York. You must have heard of it! (Even if you don’t know the title.) The one with a couple, and she calls him a scumbag, a maggot and a cheap lousy faggot. Anyway, it is important to understand that at this time he was playing the really slow-paced bit at the beginning about the drunk tank. He wasn’t feeling very energetic at the time. Suppose he had managed to hear past that bit, onto the cars big as bars and the rivers of gold, and the wind running through one – but he never heard (on this occasion) any recommendation that the elderly keep away. He didn’t even here the bit about cars. For it was only just at the part where there was mention of a Rare Old Mountain Dew” (whatever the heck that was he didn’t know or care) when the tap at the door came. He turned off his Walkman and opened up the tent. (That was why the door was only tapped.) He got out and saw Mewtwo standing before him. To Mewtwo’s left was a creature as wide as the length of two of those funny-looking, old-fashioned stands you sometimes see in the Goldenrod underground if you’re down there when a Depression hits the area (which used to happen quite often since it isn’t the real capital and has many nearby rival cities). That was Misty all right. But she had put on a lot of weight, even by her standards. It was as shocking as if he had pursued a heroine, only to find that in reality she was older and less sweet – MUCH older and MUCH less sweet. But that was not how he saw it? How does he live without her? He didn’t know how we managed without her when she indeed went. How did he ever, ever survive? No one knows that or how it was that he dreamt either. She was back at last. That was the important thing. Whenever dawn turns to night and all the dreams sing some song or other, forever in the daylight they belonged together. (I’ve messed up twice in this paragraph to avoid Copyright laws and I HATE it!) Nothing else mattered as far as either of them was concerned.

“Look, I’m sorry to be the one to destroy this happy moment, but the danger has not expired. In fact, I brought you two together again so that we could save your other friend and your mother, Ash.” At that point Ash was struck dumb.

“What’s happened to them?” Okay, I lied!

“They have been captured by the nefarious cancer that was responsible for my creation. He desires to use them for information, most probably. You must both come with me.”

“Can’t I find out what I weigh first?”

“They’ll be time for that later, Misty!” said Ash, to save Mewtwo the aggro. It was at that point that they had to go to the rescue of Brock and Delia. And go they did. Mewtwo soon located the place in Viridian city: the gym had been without Giovanni for its gym leader for many years. At least, that is, no one thought that Giovanni was there. Boy, were they wrong! Those people, I mean. He was there all right. Deep in the catacombs, where he had once imprisoned pokémon stolen by Team Rocket, he now housed many things involved with his current political position. No one could have guessed in their wildest dreams that the Prime Minister tortured civilians in the deep regions below the Kanto capital. No one who was a prole, that is. The Ministers knew all about it, naturèlemente. That was about it, though. No one ever knew what they got up to. For all we know, they could blow up the Earth’s core this very next second. It is a chilling thought that we know nothing about the people in whose hands are lives and futures rest.

“They’re in there,” said Mewtwo, pointing.

“The Viridian City Gym?” exclaimed Ash.

“Yes. Follow me. You will need my help to get in to this place. For one thing, I know the stealthiest entrances.” I’ll skip the part in the story where Misty translated for Ash. “To get in to here we must take one of the back entrances. That requires us to go a long way underground and then climb. It is a very defensive set of catacombs they use to protect themselves from invaders.” Another translation shortly followed. It was not long before the stuff you can guess happening happened. The first problem was misty getting stuck in the catacombs. Three was only one thing for it. BOOM! A huge explosion ripped the Gym apart. She couldn’t get in there or out of the tunnels any other way.

When they finally got there, Mewtwo’s extraordinary powers were the only way to compensate for the fact that that explosion had really given the game away. But their retrieval of Delia and Brock was slightly more complicated than you may imagine. *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

Akihito had researched the rights he had as the Emperor and the symbolic head of the Diet. It turned out that as the Head of State, he could destroy the Parliament and assume total control if he wished to. However that is something he was unlikely to do because he depended upon them for taxes, which he needed particularly for military purposes. However, Japan had renounced war in the 1940s. They would never attack other nations or states again. The problem was that he had always loved democracy. However, he realised that with this Government there was no hope of achieving that. Perhaps it was time to remove them. He decided to be fair … if he could get evidence of power abuse and/or criminal activities, he would destroy them.

He raced to his helicopter.

“Take me to Viridian City Gym. Stat!”

“Yes sir!”

The journey was definitely one that might be described as hazardous. The weather seemed to be against them. Perhaps the Government did control the sky after all. He hadn’t believed those rumours, but now he realised that in politics an open mind is fundamental.

The knight spotted a helicopter approaching the Gym.

“Heads up! Incoming Western invasion from the Emperor!”

“Stand by. We will send our support,” came the response from the Duke.

“Military protection moving to West!” announced the Earl.

“Houen troops guard the rear entrance. Be prepared: take no prisoners. I repeat: shoot on sight. Shoot on sight!”

Now both the Emperor and Mewtwo’s party were in danger.

“Do something, Mewtwo!” said Misty. And he did do something.

“Your orders are to shoot on sight, men!” came a call from around the corner. Simultaneously a zillion bullets headed their way. With reactions operating at the speed of light, Mewtwo held out his hand defiantly. The bullets all stopped dead in their tracks and plummeted to Earth. A huge wave of energy exploded through the air. The armoured personnel all collapsed on the floor.

“Don’t worry, they’re unconscious. It lasts for half an hour. We must hurry! To the western side!”

They could only go as fast as the slowest member, and Misty was just too slow, so Mewtwo levitated her and used his own powers to allow her to move forward at the same speed as them. In fact they all flew under Mewtwo’s power; they flew at phenomenal speed to save Emperor Akihito.

Akihito could see that weapons were targeted on his helicopter.

“Don’t come any closer, Emperor Akihito, or we will shoot!” came a voice.

“Why are you doing this?” Akihito asked on the radio. An ancient man stood up to reply, clutching a microphone.

“This is not your business!”

“I’m the Emperor –”

“You’re just the same as everyone else!”

“Knight Dracoorangen!” he exclaimed.

“That’s right,” said the ancient Knight. “I’ve been the real controller of everything and everyone in this country for sixty-six years – that’s eleven House of Councillor terms – and you’re not going to take that power away. I’m taking it to the grave.”

“A dictator for life is a king!”

“You may call me knight, but in truth I am the one kingpin who controls everything in this country from my centre in the Orange League. It always has been the way. Face the facts, Emperor: you’re just the same as everyone else.”

“Next you’ll be telling me you’ll appeal Chapter II Article 9.”

“That’s the plan Emperor.” He was horrified to hear this.

“But our renunciation of war is what makes us the true Utopian nation – ”

“There is no power in a Utopia. Get out of here and you live –”

“Drop that gun!” A loud booming voice came. “I am a legendary pokémon with telepathic abilities to communicate. If you harm the Emperor or the people you have imprisoned in this area, I will show you my wrath!”

“Oh, so you’re imprisoning some people here?” enquired Akihito.

“What’s more, they have been charged with no felonies. They are being held so that the Government may obtain information concerning the whereabouts of a certain person whom they intend to assassinate.”

Akihito laughed a lot.

“That’s it! I’m using my power of state to remove the power you all have. A new set of Ministers will be selected from the Diet.”

The knight stepped forward.

“You’re not taking away my power. Do so and you will be assassinated. If my power does not go to the grave, you will be killed within 48 hours.”

“Lay a finger on him, and I will destroy you,” declared Mewtwo under the cover of darkness. “Accept defeat.”

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

What happened next is very difficult to explain. Gunfire was heard. No body was found, and the only person who was not accounted for was the Prime Minister. A gun was found, laden with his fingerprints, proving he had fired it. There were no other fingerprints on the gun. Giovanni is still missing. However, it has been said that he recently sent a message to Delia, telling her Ash needed to know whom his father was. She has yet to tell him.

Brock and Delia were both freed. The Emperor personally escorted Delia home to her front door. Brock rejoined his friends. Mewtwo returned to teach his legendary students. To this day he frequently remembers the first time he fell in love. The stars were falling, the air was still, he still remembers, he always will: his heart was flying so high above – it was the first time he fell in love. (He said it, not me!)

All of the Ministers were stripped of their titles and given life sentences, when it was announced that they would be tried and thousands of people all across the country applied to be witnesses. The political system was repaired. The Emperor was hailed in public for his greatest achievement so far of Heisei (this is the name of the modern era; it means peace).

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

Finally, at long last, Misty managed to weigh herself. She had to use a vehicle-weighing device, but she managed it all the same. She turned out to be 1014 lbs – the weight of a Snorlax.

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ****** *** *** ***

Author’s note: PLEASE don’t grass on my for this copyrighted stuff!